It Came From Craigslist

Yes, Craigslist is an easy way for lazy journalists to bust out a quick trend story (also see Facebook, Myspace, etc.). However, sometimes, tripe finds its way into the legitimate news trough. For instance:

“Free Organs” Post on Craig’s List Leads To Organ Harvester Frenzy

Can’t wait for this story to be debunked. Fellow readers, feel free to look into Oregon news sources and police files and watch this story evaporate faster than an Arctic glacier during rush hour.

Anywhoo, sorry for the long break. Some gems from recent viewing:

• Learn how to be your own dog whisperer (dog and whisper not included).

• Apparently, nowadays cat sitters need their own insurance. Who knew?

• This lovely libel comes from an almost deliriously angry woman venting against a nightclub that, among other things, lost TWO of her coats. She probably should have suspected something given that the place is on W. Weed St.
• Cleverest name award goes to the ImPURSinators and their in-home purse selling demos. Tupperware parties, take a step back!

And finally, people seem to be losing a lot of specialized wallets these days, including Hello Kitty ones and ones for the Cubbies.
Finally, the phrase “Let the buyer beware” is timeliness wisdom for all the cheapskates out there looking to get something for nothing. Like tickets for Jersey Boys or Cubs bleacher seats…. for just $1? Sorry, not giving you a link that will 100% get you robbed.

tickets jersey boys, cubs bleacher seats - $1

Even a few years ago, it seems doubtful that anyone could have predicted how simultaneously organized and fragmented our communities have become. How could they have foreseen local community forums for every issue under the sun, but not held in any city hall or community center, but from the living rooms and basements of families in every city across the nation.

o, yeah, this is about the Craigslist community in Chicago. The comments I received were generally very positive - people got what they were looking for, and at a great deal. It’s really amazing that an anonymous service can actually succeed in pleasing people nowadays.

Here’s some things you had to say about… well… yourself:

• Gail got her game on:
“Bought xbox system like new from vp of co. reasonable price excellent condition.”

• Dan furnished his house:
“I am currently writing this email while sitting on the 5 piece sectional couch that I received off of Craigslist for $40. I’m also watching the 27″ TV that someone from Craigslist was generous enough to give to me for free. On Wednesday, I met up with someone and purchased a Sony PSP video game system and I’m very happy with the purchase. Craigslist is the perfect place to join those who need with those who have.

• Sue got a superb friend:
“We were looking for a female German shepherd. We answered an ad and went out to look at her. Though she wasn’t exactly what we were looking for, we had our daughters with us and they were not going to let her stay in the situation she was in. She was starved and being kept in an empty lot. The other dogs they had were chained up and used as watch dogs to protect the junk cars they had on the lot. They wanted $200.00 even though she didn’t have any papers or shots. We gave them $160.00 and got out of there as quick as we could. She is a good dog but she jumps our 6 foot wooden fence and patrols the neighborhood. If everything is to her satisfaction, she hops back over the fence. I am 44 and love Craigslist. We look at it a couple times a week. We have also found a foosball table, a phone for our daughter, an antique ring and a purse.”

Laura: A lovely dining room set, with some difficulties
“I tried to buy a chair. Was promised the chair. Told the seller I was just coordinating with the mover on the other two items. He un-sold the chair to me and sold it to someone else. I found this out when I emailed him to ask if Sunday night was okay for the pick up, his response: ‘Sorry, sold it.’

The sofa was a great buy, but the seller misrepresented the piece. She said it was a 1940s leopard print sofa with some army green–the army green was not a color, but where the fabric had worn completely off. Still a funky, fun piece. Something I could not find at a Pottery Barn.

“The coffee table was the best story. The seller was wonderful. He was super responsive and helpful. He wanted to make sure my movers had pads because if they didn’t, he would wrap the table and I would just need to return the pads at my leisure. My movers said they had pads, but didn’t wrap the table, saying the pads were in the truck. The seller called me on my cell to tell me to call them and insist they wrap the table (as it was a beautiful vintage piece). The table was beautiful and an incredible bargain. Again, a very unique piece. The seller made the transaction a reminder that there are really wonderful people out there–you just have to find them.

The movers. They were very accommodating and patient on the phone. They paid for the items for me and allowed me to reimburse them–I just waited for them at my place. They showed up on time and it was the coldest day of the year. But, they didn’t wrap the table and it did incur a bit of damage.

• Sharona, 36, has some problems with reliability:
“On two occasions it did not work. One it did. The first two were fraudulent. One was in regard to a computer purchase. Luckily, my partner found a similar post on another “city” board that warned about the same poster. Luckily, we didn’t get scammed with that one. However, I did lose $250 dollars on a vacation rental. I actually found the poster’s name in a newspaper article in her home town (after losing my money) for an arrest on check fraud charges.
With the good experience, I bought a used king bed and feel I got a great deal. The key is to stay local and meet in person for the transaction. Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way.

• One writer got some heavy stuff off her chest:
“About 3 years ago, I complained to a client that I had a 500 gallon aquarium left by a roommmate & had no idea how I was going to get rid of it, & she told me to use Craigslist. Within 5 minutes of posting, I started getting calls. I have used it ever since. The only ‘failures’ I’ve had is even giving away a bathtub & a medicine cabinet (or finding a sane boyfriend).”

I had an idea. What if the Chicago Craigslist users had a voice? What if they told me what they liked / didn’t like on Craigslist? And, most importantly, what if I didn’t have to write a column today?

Tiffany from the South Side: Rip-offery
“I was trying to find someone honest to buy frequent flyer miles from Craigslist. I had a personal family issue and needed to be in Texas. I come across this guy who took my money and I got nothing. His reply to me being upset was ‘I know how you feel missing that funeral and all but oh well.’”
Her story had a slightly happy ending, tho’.
“I purchased a Vending machine locally from a really nice guy named Adam. He was so nice to me.”

Chelsea from Uptown: Snagged a jobby-job
“I had a great experience using Craigslist to find a part-time nanny job! I was looking for a way to make some extra spending money. I found a woman on Craigslist who was looking for a nanny a few days a week with some weekend nights. She has an adorable 3 year old boy who is so much fun to take care of. I was concerned about meeting with her at first, but she gave me a really good vibe through our emails. Turns out, my boyfriend and her husband attended the same high school and their parents live near each other in Michigan. For every creepy Craigslist story there are surely more successes such as mine!

Randy: Toolin’
“Craigslist.com has been very useful for me with selling merchandise in the “tools” & “wanted” sections, getting some good stuff from the ‘free’ section and buying items in the ‘material’ section. As with anything, most of the people I encounter are good but there are a few screwballs.”

More soon!

“Free stuff” - A fine section of Craigslist that may actually yield used gold. It’s so interesting the types of things that people somehow acquire and yet have no use for – used palettes, print paper, women’s medium jeans. Why a lot of this stuff isn’t donated to the Salvation Army or the like I’ll never know. Strong backs recommended.

Free pool table – balls and sticks. Shark not included.

Barbie accessories – Barbie sold separately.

Clawfoot bathtub – “Looks usable” translates into “let your mother-in-law try it first.”
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/zip/585232046.html

Free haircut at Sine Qua Non Salon. For advanced student class, so ask to see a student ID.

Adobe Illustrator 7.0 for Mac – Hey, this guy will even mail it to you!

Free reflexology sessions – Chillax!

Steel cage – For gnome-size steel cage matches.

Fancy Feast cat food leftover from picky cat

Hey Chicago - Fill that aching void in your life with some do-gooderism. Why? Because it’s probably better for you than Project Runway, World of Warcraft or huffing Cheeze Whiz.

Usher for Blue Man Group! ‘Nuff said!

ESL Tutors Needed - No second language required! (McKinley Park)

Big brains needed for science shtuff - Help teach the public about SCIENCE. Join a website, marketing or other committee and get your edjamacation on! (Monk’s Pub, 205 W. Lake St. Chicago Loop)

Help with modeling and get a FREE bob haircut – Uncle Festers need not apply. (Lakeview)

Spring clean a YMCA – This weekend only! Unless your are some sort of person with an ivory tower stuck up their rear, you probably have a soft spot for the excellent community programming put out by YMCAs. So get on it! (Chicago)

Get paid for your irresponsible drug habit! –If you use or abuse Ritalin, your downward spiral might be worth some $$$ to some scientician.

Put on your miner’s helmet, because we’re literally heading in the nether-regions of Craigslist depravity here.

This is not for kids. Or the squeamish of heart. Or, really, for any decent person.

We’re talking about the Casual Encounters section. Here it’s “nsa” (no strings attached). No pretense, no picking up the check, no romance, just the business. If you don’t bring a fistful of condoms then you probably won’t live to see our next president.

(Note: Many of these links contain, believe it or not, STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT, so don’t go if you’re a Mormon or considering the priesthood.)

Here, you can find important cultural events, like two female roomies looking for muscular beefcake, or nerds looking for “Hot Robot Love.” My favorite, however, was this guy looking for “a doctor” to get him some prescription drugs. But he’s not looking for anything as base as horse tranquilizers or Quaaludes… no, he needs the real stuff —acne medicine!

I suppose there are a few types of people who might troll pages like this. There are the merely curious, the intellectuals who pretend that they are doing some sort of sociological experiment by looking but are actually just curious, people looking to get some “love” and those looking to give some out to anyone with an email address.

or some reason, this sort of surprised me. I always figured the people who go to these sites are looking to have needs met. But to see people offer full body massages or a free cuddle – well, there can’t possibly be any ulterior motive there, can there? Actually, I find this sort of funny – even in the world of free, anonymous sex, you still need to sell yourself.

People sometimes post pics of themselves on the Casual Encounters page. Well, parts of themselves, anyway. With the exception of perhaps this cross dresser, most people don’t post pictures of their faces. This seemed odd to me at first, because wouldn’t you want to see if your casual encounter is going to look more like Tyra Banks than Ernie Banks? (Note: This joke sounds clever, but actually makes no sense).

No, most people just post pictures of their privates. Since many of those looking for sex are gay men, that means lots and lots of penises. So rejoice — whether you live in Edgewater or Wrigleyville, there seem to be gay naked men with cameras only blocks away (-Ed. Yeah…we’re not linking to those postings…).

Women posters are less frequent – a sensible reality given the potential risks. There are exceptions, however, which sort of make you feel bad inside.

Some people looking for random sex have really busy schedules, so if you are free after 1:30 p.m. on Feb 16, let this guy know.

And while obviously most people are here to get their needs met, sometimes it can work out for everyone involved. Listen to this guy’s post: “I really want to be somebody’s servant. I am very good cleaning, doing laundry, washing bathrooms, cleaning floor or carpets, etc, etc, etc… You don’t need to do anything; I am going to do everything for you. You just order, and I obey. I am not a bad person, and I don’t want a relationship or sex. All I want is to be abused, and serve as a real slave. I have references if you want. Please, use me as your personal servant!”

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? That’s right – free gutter-cleaning service! Free mover! Free chauffer! Using someone never felt so good! And you don’t even need to tip! (Except with the tip of a pointy boot, perhaps).

If you’ve read this far, congratulations! Now is the time to take a shower. I am currently typing this from my shower on my laminated laptop, BTW.

(Note to self: Contact Nobel committee and let them know that this article is available for awards while it is simultaneously destroying my career).

Part II in our descent into the Craigslist personals. This week we’re looking at people who are looking for people… supposedly for reasons other than sex.

or this they have created the Strictly Platonic section. And yet again Craigslist surprises me, because what did I find here but actual civility. Lots of people looking for people… quite possibly without twisted ulterior motives.

• This poor chap slipped on the ice and is just looking for people to talk to while he rests up at home.

• A great many people are just new to the area and want to meet other people. Still interesting how they will usually put their race in there - SBF, for instance, or a describe themselves as a “33 6′2 225 36w shaved head, clean shaven black guy” looking for a yoga buddy.

• Like cheap-ass drinks on the Northside? Call this guy. And nerds need chat buddies too, BYW.

• Sometimes, you just don’t want to go to a strip club alone.

• This guy likes motorcycles and, incredibly, is NOT using it as a hook to meet women. WOW!

• And to end on an extra-strange note, I’ll just let this type-A personality speak for himself:

"It is past 6AM now and I have been literally watching Frontline reruns on PBS’s website for the past 8 hours straight. In the past 48 hours I think I’ve spent 15 hours reading Internet news, feeds, and blogs, 6 hours reading newspapers and magazines in hard print, and 5 hours watching TV infomercials. I have smoked over 4 packs of menthol cigarettes, and slept only 5-6 inconsecutive hours.”

OK, we’ve touched on some commerce, some social get-togetherness and some discussion groups. Now – HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS – we’re going into the personals section.

It’s got a lot of categories here, so we’re going to do this methodically – from semi-tasteful to mind-bendingly awful.

Hopefully, I’ll actually be able to look at more than one post before I reach “awful.”

Believe it or not, the whole personals section isn’t all dating. The first column is Rants and Raves.

I much prefer the raves, which sort of implies some sort of structure, than the rants. And guess which category makes up 99% of the section? You guessed it.

A word of warning: Even though this section is mostly about message postings, if you see any messages with pics posted, BEWARE. This is where the sickos hang out, and they have pics of penises, extra-large Americans and people vomiting that they just LOVE to show you.

• This pro-Hillary rant surprised me on how well-written it was. Send it to an indie newspaper, for Godsakes!

• This one is from a PO’d dad yelling at “some fucker that stole his son’s cell phone.” Cathartic? Probably, although not as satisfying as curbing the guy, I reckon;

• An Air Force girl letting us know that it’s All Quiet on the Radar tonight.

• A very strange posting of nasty handguns, packs of cigarettes and a 1,000 foot tall Punisher.

• Another strange piece on race. I read “If you are of African American descent, be grateful with every molecule in your body,” and expected a certain rant to follow. It didn’t, and eventually followed with “There is a reason why you are in the genetic codes of every human soul alive today. Find that reason and make it your Life’s calling to honor it.” Yes, still nonsense, but UNUSUAL nonsense.

• And finally… a legitimate rave! The Art of Pizza, on 3033 N. Ashland Ave, apparently serves a killer Canadian bacon, green olive, and garlic 14″ stuffed pizza.

Like an onion, you can keep peeling away layers of Craigslist and find shiny new layers underneath. And like an onion, it both stinks and makes your eyes water (usually just because of horrific spelling).
Today we’ll look at a place you may not have ventured – discussion groups.

Remember when the net was young? First there were bulletin boards, and then people find out about chat rooms and tried out Cybersex with strangers? It all seemed to go south when email and other inventions became universal.
But they still exist. Some are thriving.

Some are tough to avoid – they are too stark and powerful. Like Dying. It contains multitudes grieving to a face, anonymous, international community. Very moving and scary. There are posts about grandmothers whose lives were ended by a drunk driver, or a particularly chilling one by some looking for help overdosing. Yes, ODing. Wow.

Or there is religion. Nothing pulls the crazies out of the holy woodwork than unmoderated discussions about faith (and I **like** religion). Some nice finds: “synatx is important” (wonderfully self-defeating), “be god and god will be you,” and “I have not met any woman who actually loved me.”

inally, Mac addicts love myself love to… wait for it… talk about Macs. So perhaps it’s not surprising that there’s a discussion group by and for Mac people. Fix ipod problems, booting up issues or turn your Mac into a home theater.

Chicagoans have lots of skills. Some are intriguing: A headline like “Ever get pulled over and have to give away your drivers license,” sort of draws me in. I guess a lot of people are having more fun / DUIs than I am.

* Let’s imagine that your car’s battery dies and you are either a.) too timid to ask a stranger or b.) were too cheap to join AAA in the first place. One option, I suppose, would be to call this complete stranger on the Northside, who is not affiliated with any automotive group but will visit you on the side of the highway for a “jump.” Ewww.

* You can find lots of people on Craigslist to help you build a lot of things, including a website for $250. Not too shabby there – I remember when people pretty much used to charge that an hour for web development.

* Ever think Kung Fu is for sissies? How about kicking it up a notch with Filipino Knife and Stick Fighting lessons? Fully licensed and bonded… by the Filipino mafia.

* Yes, we all love Ikea for its shoddy but pleasing construction. But after you’re done hauling it home and patting yourself on the back for the money you saved, you still need to assemble it yourself. But not anymore! The Shaumburg Ikea Delivery / Assembly Service has exactly what you need.

* Get Spanish lessons – over Skype!

* Finally, our sketchy post of the day is… a man who will teach one lucky woman (could it be YOU?) the arts of pleasuring a man. “Traveling expenses no prostitution…No serious relations, only lessons.” I’m sure this will end about as well as microwaving your cat. Except, perhaps, messier.